Thirty-Six

They say every moment,
you have a choice to make.

Sink or swim.

i feel like i am sinking,
that i am avoiding a choice.

Truth or dare.

The truth of my situation,
is holding me back.
i want to be daring and,
take the risk.

Live or exist.

i want to live in the truth,
i want to shout it aloud.
The world should know,
just how i feel.
The world should know,
how you make me feel.

live...

Thirty-Five

If you would ask a few,
they would not describe me,
as the charming type.

Maybe they would say,
i was the funny guy,
who would make you smile.

A nice guy who well,
is not all together wonderful,
but he is trustworthy.

"He would never hurt you,
you would probably hurt him,
in the end it wouldn't work."

i am not overly confident,
rather i am self conscious,
i never get things right.

It is different around you,
i feel calm and at ease,
comfortable to be myself.

You are cute and sweet,
compassionate and fun,
lively and lovely.

But what i love about you,
is none of these things,
but how i feel about myself,
around you...

Thirty-Four

i have been thinking lately,
about what would be said.
What would be said after,
i breathed my last breath.
Does anybody really know me,
enough to write my eulogy.
Do you think you know me,
because i don't think you do.
These aren't morbid thoughts,
but just my curiosity.
The really scary thought is,
what if i am right about this.
What if no one knows me,
i guess you can make it up.

Thirty-Three

Sometimes i wonder,
why i cannot get it right?
If my faith is pure and
real as i claim it to be.
i believe that i do believe,
but this mountain stands firm.
Do i need to grow or give,
act or just stand still?
i want my mountain to move,
but it stands between us.
Mustard seeds never seemed,
so large to me...

Thirty-Two

Alone in crowded rooms,
isolated in conversation.
Afraid to take a chance,
to say "how do you do?"
Am i destined to be alone,
in this meaningless life.

Some things never change.

Thirty-One

Our screams go unheard,
until it is far too late.
Funeral eulogies readings,
he always seemed okay.
Why do you not care,
are our lives a burden?

Thirty

i will never know the pain,
that you felt at Calvary.
The pain of being flogged,
and beaten for my sins.

i will never know the humiliation
that you felt at Calvary.
The humiliation of being spat upon,
and mocked for my sins.

i will never know the burden,
that you felt at Calvary.
The burden of the weight,
of my cross for my sins.

i will never know the seperation,
that you felt at Calvary.
The seperation from your father,
the pain, humilation, burden of seperation.